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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: why is the dog wearing a tux? ME: u said to groom him WIFE: i meant brush ME: oh...sorry buddy, wedding's off DOG: this is bullshit"

"I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say ""no, in fact, I'm just getting started"""

"Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink."

"creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is."

"""I'm sorry I could never do that for you,"" said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space."

"that awkward feeling. when you are sitting on the toilet and forgot to lock the door and your boss walks in... and your pants are up."

"I'll never forget my grandfather's last words ... ""Stop shaking the fucking ladder you little cunt!"""

"Pretzels come in twist shape because the twist is how disappointed you are in your snack."

"Are you on Facebook ? Cos I sure would like to Poke You"

"What do you call four Mexicans in quick sand Quatro'sinco'ses"