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Joke of the Day

"My sexuality is like classic literature. There's not really any action, and most people are just confused by it."

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"The jerk store called. *removes hat* I'm afraid there's been an accident."
"Q: Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money? A: He wanted rich milk."
"Do you like Christmas? Then why don't you merry it?"
"""We're going to need a bigger pocket."" - iPhone 6 Plus"
"I had amnesia once - maybe twice."
"1. Buy Dick Cheney's memoir. 2. Tie it to a board. 3. Pour water on it. 4. Demand the truth. 5. Fail to get it."
"What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common? They both like to crack open a cold one."
"Where in the world is Comic Sans, Diego?"
"What's Ted Cruz's favorite food? Boogers. This isn't a joke. Ted Cruz eats his boogers."