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Joke of the Day

"A Stormtrooper tried to commit suicide yesterday."

"[Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say"

"As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life."

"Dayum girl are you a dell notebook? Because you set my dick on fire when you stay on my lap."

"If someone wants to date me, I don't want to date them. Because they obviously make bad life choices."

"Jesus spoke to me yesterday... But I don't like talking to my roofers, so I had his brother Juan tell him not to do that in the future."

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend and an impoverished Sierra Leonean child laborer's worst nightmare."

"I farted in the Apple store and everybody got pissed It's not my fault they don't have Windows..."

"Linda from the office calls it a shawl but I know a shitty cape when I see one."

"What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable? ...what's tomato with you?!"