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Joke of the Day

"Who is ISIL's favorite Star Wars character? ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!"

"I accidentally ran over and killed my neighbor's cat today... I was too scared to tell him to his face, so I left a note saying ""curiosity was here."""

"Her: See ya later alligator! Me: *slithers into swamp*"

"It's not manslaughter if they chew with their mouth open."

"How do they launch a champagne factory? They throw a boat at it."

"Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One's a marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift"

"Do not use the word ""ghetto"" indiscriminately unless referring to that booty there. Daaaaamn!"

"When people see you as a competition, you already won."

"The other day I found two gold bars. I've always dreamed of an Au pair."

"What were Jeffery Dahmer's last words when confronted about social awkwardness leading to his crimes? ""If you can't eat them, boil them."""