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Joke of the Day

"Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs."

"Why does Hillary Clinton not give good blowjobs? Because her teeth are too fake and big"

"What would a Christian Rap album featuring only UPS drivers be titled? The Deliverance"

"Doctor Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy!"

"Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]"

"Abortions are like stains in my carpet. You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out."

"For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake."

"Singing ""cha cha cha"" during the pauses in 'Happy Birthday' is one of the most fun ways to momentarily forget we're all dying."

"What is something long and hard that a Polish Bride gets on her wedding day? A last name."

"I'm thinking of maybe giving up on my Olympic dream."