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Joke of the Day

"ALCOHOL. Because no good story ever began with, ""So, I was sitting there eating this salad..."""

"Hillary and Huma Hillary Clinton likes Huma Abedin who is married to Anthony Weiner which would make her Huma Weiner. That means that Hillary likes a Weiner which means that she is not gay."

"I'm going to buy a boomerang now... You need friends to play Frisbee."

"Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great oral sex! But Oh no! Not my sister!"

"The lifeguard caught me peeing in the pool, today. He shouted so loud I nearly fell in."

"When's the improper fraction helpline open? 24/7"

"What kind of phone does a molester have? the iTouch. ( lame but I made it up in class when I was like 15 lmfao)"

"A second Limerick There was a young man from Nantucket, With a dick so long he could suck it, As he wiped of his chin, He said with a grin, If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it"

"Shut up laundry.Nobody wants to do you."

"I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college... I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands."