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Joke of the Day

"My daughter just said ""I goed potty in the fish bowl"". She is a 27 year old investment banker. Why did she goed potty there?"

"Being an amputee... On one hand it has its benefits, but on the oth-"

"If Jesus invested $1 dollar when He was alive, it would have grown into $100 trillion dollars today. But that's the thing about Jesus, He didn't invest, He saved."

"CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign. Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth."

"How many Italians can you fit in a bathtub? Don'tworryaboutit."

"Wife: You were right. Me: Say it again. Wife: You were right. Me: Again. Wife: You were right. Me: One more time. Wife: You wer- *wakes up*"

"How much sex does one of God's brides have? Nun"

"[drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man"

"Studies show unprotected sex has over an 8 percent chance of causing Cancer. The same study found a near equal chance of causing Gemini or Sagittarius."

"How did the sad clown smile and laugh again? They told him his wife died recently."