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Joke of the Day

"Haters gonna hate, alligators gonna alligate"

"I can't sleep in my bed anymore, my mind races thinking of all the stupid stuff I've done in the past. Stupid memory foam..."

"My housemate is going away to Oslo. He asked if I wanted to come along but I said Norway."

"People keep comparing the election to Empire Strikes Back or Revenge Of The Sith... Personally I would have gone with The Star Wars Christmas Special"

"If vampires can't see themselves in mirrors, how do they trim those perfect goatees?"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender"

"You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific."

"It's not funny when a First Lady runs for President. It's Hillary-ous."

"people who say ""guess what"" and make you actually guess make me want to die"

"What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A chairy."