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Joke of the Day

"We're sorry Micky Mouse, but your wife being crazy is not reasonable grounds for a divorce! I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

"Do you want to know what I was for discovery channel dress up day? I dressed up as naked and afraid. I was naked everybody else was afraid."

"Started the mower for the 1st time this year.36 pulls & then I passed out.When I came to, yard had crop circles & the beagle had a mohawk."

"If you have Spotify on your Ipad... then technically you're ""having your period""."

"Have you heard about the man born with five cocks? His pants fit him like a glove."

"Even Al Qaeda is like ""These ISIS guys are a bit much no?"""

"What's an electrical engineers favorite flavor of ice cream? Shocklate."

"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."

"I'm tired of conventional beauty standards that say I can't wear a ski mask in a bank"

"What is the height of slime? A jellyfish having a wank in a bowl of snot."