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Joke of the Day

"I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch."

"What do priests have in common with my dad's BBQs? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns."

"What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens"

"I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to resist sexting Oprah during my morning commute."

"Knock Knock. Who's There? Not Comcast."

"A woman at work got really angry with me when I... Politely held the door open for her. She must've been a feminist cos she got real mad and shouted at me ""Do you mind I'm trying to take a shit! """

"I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven I guess I should have put it on aloha setting"

"I'm starting a fusion restaurant that serves gyros made with haggis I'm calling it ""Organ Doner""."

"All status updates posted on my wall are purely fictional any resemblance to actual people, places or events is purely coincidental."

"New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. It's called ""Ear Bud."""