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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, if a bear attacks, you are supposed to play dead. You know, that sounds an awful lot like something a bear would say..."

"If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles? The British Parliament"

"If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you."

"""IF YOU'RE HAVING KNITTING PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON--"" ""stop rapping, Grandma"" ""--I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND A STITCH AIN'T ONE"""

"How did the stoner die? Blunt force trauma."

"This week, paleontologists discovered a blind dinosaur They named him Doyouthinkhesaurus"

"I'm convinced. Some peoples' brains are still on dial-up."

"So, I hear Islamic Mysticism is all you need... It's suficient."

"I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip. You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves"

"What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline"