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Joke of the Day

"Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it."

"I tried to give a motivation: Backfired So this friend of mine broke up with his long term girl friend.I told him "" to hang in there""and he literally hanged himself. Was that a dick motivation?"

"All your responses must be oral, okay? Q: ""What school did you go to?"" A: ""Oral."""

"To neigh or not to neigh... That is equestrian."

"What's the difference between Pastor Maldonado and a bus driver? One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1."

"Says she: ""Say something soft and sweet"" Says he: ""Marshmallow."""

"Michael Cera, in a public restroom, pinned to the opposite wall by the force of the hand-dryer."

"If guys call short girls ""petite"", what do girls call short guys? Friends."

"[oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*"

"Magic Mirror Mirror Mirror in my hand, show me the ugliest person in the land."