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Joke of the Day

"Thinking about quitting my job to pursue my dream of not working."

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"Yo mama is so ugly, she went to an ugly competition They said, ""Sorry, no professionals."""
"What was the car doing in the dressing room? Changing attire."
"A girl asks her boyfriend if she's put on weight recently. He says ""no!"" and then has a seizure. He goes to the doctor. Diagnostic: convulsive liar."
"What do you call a clingy, moody scientist? A dependent variable"
"the year is 2017: every kfc location has a large shower room installed inside the building to wash away the customers greasy post-meal shame"
"Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games. In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends."
"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"
"What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?......... Both stream instantly."
"If you laid everyone along Earth's equator... About half of them would be pregnant."