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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I lose my micrometer I use my dick."

"I went to Africa to help with the Ebola crisis. When I left, my mentor said thanks and told me that all of Africa was behind me. I instinctively reached for my wallet."

"If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look."

"What do you call a Bible for the blind? The Holy Braille!"

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""

"Once as Laloo was coming out of airport there was huge rush and the security guard told him ""Wait Please."" To which Laloo replied ""65 kgs"" and moved on."

"Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, ""Sorry, no professionals."

"ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed"

"Two gentlemen walk into a bar.... You would have thought one of them would have seen it."

"Toddlers always feel like the floor of a movie theater."