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Joke of the Day

"I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy... In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times."

"I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless"

"To the middle-aged guy in front of me at the bookstore buying several martial arts books: Is that even legal with your lack of ponytail?"

"My new year resolution is 1024x768."

"It was a beautiful day at the beach. .... Three young women with eye-popping racks decided to sunbathe without their bikini tops. .... A cop came along and pinched all six of 'em."

"What's the difference between Barack Obama and Cecil the lion? Ones an African lion, the other's a lyin' African."

"Gardens (only clean joke I know) Why don't you tell secrets in a garden? Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk."

"Dad to kid: ""Connor, eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" ""Eat your food!"" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*"

"If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, ""Did you mean Chuck Norris?"" It simply replies, ""Run while you still have the chance."""

"I went to the shop to buy 5 eggs, therefore I went back to the shop to buy another egg"