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Joke of the Day

"It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike."

"Amy Winehouse is getting Botox injections? Really? Isn't that a bit like spraying Febreze on a pile of dog crap?"

"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."

"What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common? Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house."

"I woke up next to a girl this morning... She must have been absolutely wasted, she didn't know who I was, Although that may have been the Roofies I slipped in her drink."

"turkey went out of the frying pan and into the fire only for Putin to put them in the oven"

"How to wash dishes like a bachelor: 1. Put in sink 2. Wait"

"When you have this song stuck in your head, is it just your mind playing tracks on you?"

"A Teacher asked for the chemical formula for water Teacher: Alright so what is the chemical formula for water? Me: HIJKLMNO Teacher: What are you even saying?! Me: You told us it was H to O!"

"How do you kill Donald Trump? You gotta guess for this one hint: it's in the name? It's a TRUMPet"