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Joke of the Day

"I've had to take a second job working in a bakery. I knead the dough."

"What's the difference between raping and rapping? One's mostly done by criminals in shady neighborhoods, and the other is sex without consent."

"I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft."

"I'm not paranoid, but I feel like there's someone reading this..."

"Where's the best place to hide after committing a murder? Behind a badge."

"My parking stub was being bitchy, argumentative, and expensive. It just wanted validation."

"Doc, my leg bone is missing! ""You must be joking!"" ""No doc, there's not a humerus bone in my body!'"

"Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space."

"The clock was hungry... So he went back four seconds"

"Found out a guy I dated was in jail for attempted murder. He never even tried to take me camping, I'm not even good enough to kill."