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Joke of the Day

"I just set Twitter to post to Facebook, and Facebook to tweet to Twitter... So the internet should explode any minute now."

"*family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?"

"me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone"

"*romantically climbs into your balcony to ask for your wifi password*"

"What do you call a woman with only one leg? Eileen."

"My lesbian neighbors got me two fake Rolex for my birthday.... I guess they misunderstood when I told them I wanted to watch"

"My doctor told me if I was 5"" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot."

"ESA to release second probe ""SHIO"" to 67P The ""Philae-Shio"" team will be sucking in 67P's particles and spitting out information to be sent back to ESA for examination."

"How do you enter an Egyptian's tomb? Tut-an-kham-en"

"If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at."