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Joke of the Day

"What did Nietzsche call his Yiddish cab driver? An Uber mensche."

"I've started seeing someone about my porn addiction. Her name's Brandy."

"Why can't Sweden win a race? Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line"

"""The first law of thermodynamics... ... is that you don't talk about thermodynamics."" My lecturer's a hoot."

"What's the difference between a Warlock and a Sorcerer? Apart from the Spelling?"

"If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!"

"How will Donald Trump decide which ones to deport from millions illegal immigrants? By conducting a **Juan on Juan** meeting with every Juan of them."

"Seriously, if you hacked Trump's account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET."

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"There are two cavemen sitting by a fire... One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, ""You like beetles?"" and his friend says, ""No,*CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."""