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Joke of the Day

"CAPS LOCK ON caps lock off CAPS LOCK ON caps lock off - Mr Miyagi [2014]"

"With a bit of practice I could be an excellent snooker player... But I dont have the balls and my pockets aren't that deep"

"Nightmare scenario: a man with the confidence of Pitbull and the talent level of Pitbull."

"Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure."

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"Kid: Daddy, where do babies come from? Dad: Storks deliver them Kid: but where do baby storms come from? Dad: ...Fuck."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping in New York? Nevermind he woke up!"

"My Grandma told me today that men were much more charming when she was young... I told Grandma that that was because they aren't trying to fuck her anymore."

"In a parallel universe nobody can park."

"I'm lost at Costco but everyone here looks like my dad. Just gonna pick the one with the best groceries and start a new life I guess."