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Joke of the Day

"Calling in sick to work... Me: Im not gonna be able to make it to work today bossman I'm sick Boss: You don't sound sick...? Me: Well, I'm fucking my sister, IS THAT SICK ENOUGH FOR YOU"

"What was Hitler's favorite drunk food? Dictator-tots."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)"

"Why is there a wolf on Wall Street. Animals are bad with money. My cat just lost $80 at high-stakes uno"

"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet... ... and others wet themselves thinking no one would notice."

"My girlfriend was taking a survey online about ""Which holiday describes your sex life?"" She wasn't happy with me when I chimed in, ""Day of the Dead."""

"You know what's really great about being a Democrat in Texas on Super Tuesday? No waiting in line. (An hour and a half wait if you were a Republican.)"

"What do fat girls and scooters have in common? They're both fun to ride.....until your friends see you."

"What did the Jew say to Kim Kardashian's booty? ""Isreal?"""

"*buys condoms* So I just eat these and it traps the baby?"