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Joke of the Day
"Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet? A: To stomp out burning ducks."
Next Joke
"I have an L shaped couch... lower case."
"It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance. I really shouldn't be a paramedic."
"Photons don't even matter."
"[drive-thru at 2am] Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah! Neighbor's mailbox: ..."
"Three guys walk into a bar... John Wick kills them with a pencil. A fucking pencil."
"Me: ""Sorry I'm late. Car trouble."" Him: ""What kind of car trouble?"" Me: ""It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."""
"Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours"
"A skeleton walks into a bar, and asks the barman for a ""beer"" and ""a mop""."
"The man who invented autocorrect just died. His funfair will be on Monkey."