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Joke of the Day

"What do you call Neil deGrasse Tyson pouring champagne all over his naked chest? An astro-fizzy-tits"

"Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake After several day of agonising pain, the snake finally died."

"What did one bag of shit say to the other bag of shit? ""Ugh, stop standing so colostomy."""

"I love corn! It's a food that always amaizes me."

"What did the plate say to the other plate? ""dinner's on me"""

"[lying with girlfriend & looking up at the stars] ""Hey--"" *points to shooting star* ""You've put on a lot of weight."""

"Judge:You are sentenced to death. Judge: You'll be hung. Wife from down the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG! Me: Your Honor please uncuff me so I can high five my wife."

"What is the purpose of war? ""God created War so that Americans would learn Geography"" - Mark Twain"

"Why did the greek philosopher break in two? He was made out of Plato"

"I'm not saying it is your fault, I said I'm blaming you."