120166

Joke of the Day

"I can't believe I didn't get an Oscar nomination for my performance in, ""No, I never got your text!"""

"Fortune teller said my boss would suffer a deadly accident. But, I already knew that. I needed to know if the police would figure it out."

"pizza pizza pizza eatya eatya eatya"

"Always note whether a politician is wearing a lapel pin of a flag, as they are the only way to display patriotism."

"What do you call a person who doesn't care that he just got kicked out of a Call of Duty team? *unfazed*"

"I used to steal jokes. I still do, but I used to, too."

"Another sequel in the ""The Fast and the Furious"" series was announced today. We can only assume it will be called: ""5 Fast 5 Furious""."

"Dudes in skinny jeans...there's no need for sex if you're already in her pants..."

"If you refuse to take a nap... Are you resisting a rest?"

"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I'm taking a selfie and you're in the background"