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Joke of the Day

"I call my penis Oscar Pistorius. It only goes inside for a disappointingly short period of time."

"What's a ghost's favorite type of car? A Booghati"

"Have you ever smelled mothballs? How did you get their little legs apart?"

"Sleeping with your girlfriend is like sleeping in a no camping zone. You want to get comfy,but you can't risk pitching a tent. Was bored"

"Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind it stinks!"

"Me: Can I pet your dog? Stranger: sure M: one more time S: uh, ok M: again S: maybe you should get your own M: pet S: we have to go M: mine"

"In 2016 Scott Baio has called Hillary Clinton a cunt, Chris Christie has called her a criminal and Ben Carson has called her a Lucifer worshiper. What will they call her in 2017? Madam President."

"Police: Cover me Rookie: ok [pulls out guitar] Every little thing she does is magic"

"[texting my girlfriend] wyd? ""Just finished my homework"" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!"

"What up Holmes? ~Watson"