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Joke of the Day

"Blowdryer Incident Bob's wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, ""heating up your breakfast"" was not the right answer!"

"How do you know that you are a redditor? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"DUMBLEDORE: Who's brought evil into Hogwarts? HARRY: I think it's Malfoy, professor! DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on"

"Q. Why do blondes smile when it's lightning? A. Because, they think they are having their picture taken."

"Did you hear about the woman who gave birth in her 50's? You haven't? Oh, wait...that's right.... that's because they can't. (Menopause) Ha."

"TIFU by clicking on a useless post."

"Damn, it feels good to be a gangster. Or going to a 7am meeting where my client will ream my ass and I'll just suck up to him. Whatever."

"I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said ""OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"" ...so I drove her to New Jersey."

"Relationship status: woke up next to an empty pizza box"

"Santa: What do you want for Christmas? Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?"