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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls on your wife, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The real question is... why the hell was there a tree in your kitchen?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my dick So my wife can blow all the money she wants"

"A new nightclub has just opened down the road and they are offering free drinks all night for just under 20 quid. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 19.99."

"If you watch the biggest loser backwards it's a story about your mom."

"My stepson and his friend are driving around in my car. If he wrecks it, I have insurance. If he plays Nickelback in it, I'll murder him."

"[Stares deeply into date's eyes before going to the bathroom] ""I've counted these fries."""

"I once saw a real bear in the wild and said ""Aww, look at him!"" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency."

"Why does Kim Jong Un stick out at a black gospel church? Because he doesn't have Seoul."

"Richard and friend arguing Richard makes good point Richard's friend says mark my words Richard Marx"

"What are pornstars paid? Income."