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Joke of the Day
"My dog once bit a little boy so I had to put him down... he was going to tell his mom."
Next Joke
"What do neutrinos and I have in common. We are both constantly penetrating your mom."
"I think we need to start a boycott of Michael Cera movies... until he plays the role he was born for: Ellen Degeneres."
"The more ""normal"" you try to be, the less interesting people like myself will find you."
"I like my women like I like my isotopes. Stable."
"Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza"
"Obama calls Putin Obama: ""Hey! What are you going to have for Thanksgiving dinner?"" Putin: ""Turkey"""
"There's a new wheelchair party forming But it doesn't really stand for anything. (At least it'll always have a spokes person)"
"Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb shit."
"If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, ""I'll cut you."""