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Joke of the Day

"The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, ""I don't think it's working"""

"Today, I got lit, went to Denny's, ordered a t-bone & eggs, and scarfed it all down... I guess you could say... it was a ""high-steaks"" scenario."

"Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because Bill threw a mattress at him."

"New York City is the only place where sound travels faster than light. I always hear the horn before the light turns green."

"I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment."

"Maybe she's born with it... maybe it was a sex change."

"My favorite part about family dinner is when my brother says how he made 600K last year and I get to say someone made a clock of my Avi."

"""Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest"": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day"

"What happens to a tipped cow? They can't MOOve"

"30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion"