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Joke of the Day

"Good cop: Just relax Moody cop: OMG, you again? I hate you, but I kinda misssed you, why don't you call anymore? You're going to jail"

"Why is a fat dog so afraid of the dog catcher? Because they're paid by the pound."

"How to solve issues with life expectancy The doctor has given me four months to live. I shot the doctor, The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved"

"I like my beer like i like my violence... Domestic"

"Why/How do bakers work? They knead the dough."

"Internet dating? No thanks. I like the internet, but I don't like like the internet."

"My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me ""literally, nothing is interesting to me""."

"I tried anal once It was fucking shit"

"Why doesn't Texas slide into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma Sucks!"

"Figure skating is so gay. That's it, Olympics, I'm switching over to Project Runway."