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Joke of the Day

"ME: ""I'll have a rum & coke."" HIM: ""I can't serve you."" ME: ""Because I'm too drunk?"" HIM: ""No. 'cause this is a hardware store."""

"What's the difference between squash and zucchini? You can't zucchini bugs! A family-friendly take on the age old ""jam VS jelly"" joke."

"I bought a thesaurus from Walmart and the pages were blank.. I have no words to describe how angry I am"

"How do you know when you have bad acne? When the blind try to read your face."

"Accountants are very clever opponents. They are used to being underestimated."

"Where did Chappelle store all his Rick James outfits? Unit E"

"What do you call one black on the moon? Problem. What do you call ten blacks on the moon? Problems. What do you call the entire black population on the moon? Problem solved."

"When my kids misbehave we watch 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids' and then I make them stand in a giant Petri dish while I set up the machine."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes: thwack.... ""Oh fuck""."

"It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf."