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Joke of the Day

"40 world leaders are in DC tonight. Blocks away, George Clinton is playing a show. Does Joe Biden know what a big funking deal that is?"

"[job interview] ""So why do you want to be a jeweler?"" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies"

"Did you hear about the Mexican racist? He joined the Que Que Que"

"Did you hear about the penis-less man that got excited? He just came out of nowhere"

"The Final Jeopardy category is: Beer. The answer is: It's f**king close to water. The correct question is: Why is Bud Lite like having sex in a sailboat?"

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"What do you call a hot Filipino? A Filipino."

"Everyone wants to see fifty shades of grey Being colorblind fucking sucks!"

"mugger: GIMME UR MONEY ""All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday"" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, Then soviet."