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Joke of the Day

"Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!"

"If you plug in a toaster and take it into the bathtub with you, it will get rid of your hiccups."

"How do you prove human beings are inherently curious?"

"An astronaut squirrel, a snail that meows, crab with a whale as a daughter. Dear creators of spongebob, pass the drugs."

"The best part of being single is that you always get to be right."

"What do you call a black guy wearing an ankle bracelet? A stay at home dad"

"What do you call a reindeer trapped in a storm? A Thundeer"

"Surprise parties for Lindsey Lohan probably have that ""Intervention-y"" feeling at first."

"What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees? A coniference."

"A dog owner tells his dog.. Owner: ""Who's a good boy?"" Doggo: ""Did you just assume my gender?!"""