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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the new anti-consumerism movement? Nobody's buying it!"

"Confucius Say: He who drop watch in toilet... Bound to have shitty time."

"Old musicians don't die. They just decompose."

"I keep nacho cheese handy so in case I start to lose an argument I can pour it on my head and say ""You're arguing with nachos, you idiot""."

"[accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]"

"Serial killers start their day by eating breakfast at McDonalds. Let me rephrase. They arent serial killers until they order & have to wait."

"You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want."

"-Houston, do you copy? -Houston, do you copy? -God damn it, Houston! -God damn it, Houston!"

"My friend said he had 10 times more chicks than me Well 10 x 0 is 0."

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."