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Joke of the Day

"When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider."

"Most of the lies I tell aren't even true."

"I'm going to keep using 'penis' as a verb until someone lets me penis them."

"Here is my online impression of an extractor fan. I used to like tractors. I don't now"

"(business meeting) *drops pen on the floor* *bends over to pick it up* *shirt comes untucked* *all the jelly beans start falling out*"

"Yo Momma So Fat Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, ""I need your weight not your phone number."

"I ate so many chickpeas... I falafel!"

"The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World They have tiny elections every few hours. ;) if you know what I mean"

"Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan."

"Doctor! Doctor! I think I have Barry Manilow's disease! ""What are your symptoms?"" ""I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!"""