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Joke of the Day

"Today's so hot it was offered a lucrative recording contract even though it can't sing"

"""DO NOT TOUCH"" Must be the scariest thing to read ... ... in Braille."

"MEDIC: ""Put pressure on the wound!"" ME: ""Hey, wound! All the cool kids are drinking and you should too!"""

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I shoulda cooked it at aloha temperature."

"What's the best way to knock out a dog? with a woofie."

"What do you call a girl with anorexia and a yeast infection? a quarter pounder with cheese."

"As a fairly new guy... ...i'd like to say the jokes here are terrible, I really expected more from this subreddit as my contacts have been orgasming all over this site"

"At home I have an Old Sleeping Bag Hope she doesn't wake up."

"I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children."

"*takes a sip* this wine has a full body, hint of honey, and a rich pallet. ""sir that's windex."" yes, yes, ill take a bottle."