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Joke of the Day
"In my past life I was a turtle... It is all slowly coming back to me."
Next Joke
"Dick Van Dyke's real name.. Penis Van Lesbian"
"[Mulder softly whispering ""I want to"" at every exhibit in the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.]"
"What is a duck's favorite drug? Quack (Sorry for wasting your time)"
"Q: how can you tell it is almost St. Patrick's day? A: Everyone is taking out their Paddy-o furniture."
"Latest Apple news: Tablet rumours a hoax. Apple to unveil new iPhone with rotary dial in plan to dominate senior demographic."
"My mum told my girlfriend that I'm a big softy. She said, ""No he isn't, he's not even big when he's erect."""
"Told a homeless guy sorry I was saving to buy a house. He got mad and threw his cup of change at me, so now I'm... $3.75 closer to my dream!"
"What is ISIS's favorite mathematical operation? Square Root. Anything it is applied to becomes radicalized."
"LPT: If you crash into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen.. simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet."