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Joke of the Day
"Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles last night. Going for a crap could spell trouble."
Next Joke
"My wife's safe word: ""Not tonight"""
"Did you hear about the girl who went on a date with a cannibal? I hear he ate her pussy."
"Sorry for loudly singing ""Whoomp there it is!"" when you took your pants off. It's been a while."
"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor"
"You matter Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy."
"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight"" - The Swiss Army"
"Wow, this article looks awesome.*clicks link**finds out it's a slideshow**throws computer out the window*"
"[Lady is being robbed] ""Help, Social Media Man!"" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]"
"6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter."