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Joke of the Day

"I'm not usually a prick but when I am, I try to be like Donald Trump"

"what's the difference between light and hard you can sleep with the light on"

"What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc."

"What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime? It was taken into custardy."

"Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'"

"When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?"

"Am I the only one who just buys a new printer when the ink is gone? Also, does anyone want to make a sweet printer fort?"

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No tomatoes."

"[At the register] ""Find everything ok?"" ""No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."""

"Why Can't a Nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot"