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Joke of the Day

"When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?"

"Fuck holes in my cheese. It's just wasted space where more cheese could be."

"Just went to the dentist. He's a pretty average, normal guy so I assume he'd be one of the four out of five."

"If Jesus could walk on water and cucumbers are 96% water and I can walk on cucumbers does that mean the other 4% accounts for Jesus's dick?"

"People who wait 3 hours to respond to a text ""LOL"" should be punched in the neck. Your not fooling anybody. You weren't LOLing that long."

"just witnessed a salmon shitting out its ovaries. it winked at me and said 'that's how i roe.'"

"The Rock is going to have a kid, which they'll name Pebbles."

"I accidentally took 1 of my girlfriend's multivitamins for women & I've been looking at engagement rings & crying uncontrollably for 4 hours"

"So the waiter said ""The plate is hot"" and I said ""I'll be the judge of that, haha."" Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center."

"For Jesus this was anything but a Good Friday."