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Joke of the Day

"*on the phone Him: where are you?! Me: I'm just waiting for the train Him: hurry up Me:...no problem. I'll be waiting faster"

"I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle... ..it became herby."

"Are you spectacularly unfunny? But have heard the way funny people talk? Ever considered a career in morning radio?"

"OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down."

"1. Put on red T-shirt. 2. Remember that I need to go to Target today. 3. Take off red T-shirt."

"What does a storm cloud have on beneath its clothes? Thunderwear!"

"'100% Yes!' '1000% Yes!!' '1,000,000% Yes!!!' I wish the X Factor judges would stop trying to top each other... and just top themselves."

"Why did the police arrest the pedo sheep? Because he was on the lam."

"What did the tv get for Christmas? Replaced"

"Did you hear about the terrorist suicide bombers rave party? I heard they had a blast."