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Joke of the Day

"Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters."

"What does a chef and a gravitational wave astronomer have in common? They both work in gastronomy"

"""The club can't even handle me right now."" What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Please advise."

"When I bring a girl back to my bedroom, I tell her ""this is where the magic happens"", then I pull a rabbit out of a hat."

"A blind man walks into a bar says ""Oww."""

"When a man speaks in the forest and there is no wife to hear... is he still wrong?"

"I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes My parents named me Michael but I totally looked like a Ryan"

"Patient: Hey that tooth you pulled wasn't the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax I'm coming to it."

"Why do people looking for motivational seminars and people attending bodybuilding competitions keep accidentally going to each other's events? They both want personal growth."

"What do you call a penguin with a smoking problem? It's a puffin!"