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Joke of the Day

"This guy asked me to convert today... And I said, no, I'm happy with my current non-prophet organization"

"My new book about doing your own hair color is a total flop. I haven't sold one copy of A Guide to Dying Alone"

"HR- do you know why we called you down here today? Me- your broomstick is broke and you need a ride? HR... Me- a house landed on your sister"

"I regret to inform you that I've had better lays from a bag of chips."

"I went to visit my Grandpa... My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken."

"What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants ? On television !"

"NSFW How do you know when a girl is too young for you? When you have to make airplane noises to get your cock in her mouth. Source: Jimmy Carr"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It may take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

"DATE: ...so that's how I ended up at Harvard Law! ME: Sometimes I make a fruit salad in my mouth by biting into different kinds of fruit LOL"