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Joke of the Day

"Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor? Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears. Emperor: That sounds plausible."

"If the cup is only half full, I suggest you buy a smaller bra"

"I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, ""I'm not sure if it's in yet."" ""Yep, that's the one"", I said."

"Why couldn't Adam stop Cain from killing his brother? Because he wasn't Abel."

"What's the difference between a dog? One of his legs is the same."

"Where does Putin negotiate? The Crimea River"

"I don't make jokes I just watch the government and report the facts."

"Why is it so quiet when pterodactyls use the restroom? Their P is silent."

"Let my 4 year old score his first goal on me in hockey & he said, ""NA NA, you couldn't stop me!"" so he also received his first cross-check."

"NFL Not Female Lovers Nail Females Limp Nasty F...ckig Liars Not Fair Losers"