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Joke of the Day

"Each year an average of 10 people are killed by sharks while 100 people die being stepped on by cows. Where's Cow Week, Discovery Channel?!"

"#GrandTheftAutoMemories banging a hooker in my car, shooting her to get my money back, then going home to play Grand Theft Auto."

"How exactly is carrying a screaming two year old different from playing the bagpipes?"

"Devil worshipper leader: ""Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon."" Stan: ""Hey there."""

"What do you call a girl on her period? Call her next week."

"Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping? Because it is in tents"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light-bulb? You can un-screw the light-bulb"

"My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking."

"When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first brownie"

"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"