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Joke of the Day

"My rap name is Weapons of Mass Destruction because you go in thinking I'm going to destroy you but it turns out I've got absolutely nothing."

"Why do prostitutes hate hot dogs? Because the vender always forgets to put on CONDOMents. Goddamn, hat joke was bad"

"""No comment"" said no woman, ever"

"What do ghosts drink? BOOOOOZE"

"I told my friends this story about an orca... It was a killer whale of a time"

"The people of Baltimore played GTA yesterday... Tonight they will see the National Guard play Call of Duty."

"I keep having these fantasies about the beautiful Lottery Lady on Saturday Evening TV ... .... No, not about winning the jackpot, I'm imagining her holding my balls in her hands."

"(reads smudged writing on hand during date) i just want to say that u look really preffy tonight"

"Security frantically searching my pockets not realizing I'm stealing the trench coat"

"I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog. The dog gets it."