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Joke of the Day

"[on a plane] Stewardess: ""Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"" Me: ""Sure, can I have two?"" *puts one in each ear*"

"SOON I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR HEROES AND TAKE MY PLACE AS YOUR WORLD LEADER BUT FIRST WHAT IS YOUR MOM'S CASSEROLE RECIPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL"

"A blind man.. Is walking down the street and stumbles upon a fish market With out skipping a beat he says ""good morning ladies!"" *proceeds to play colt 45*"

"I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed."

"Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational tweets are hard."

"Russian Porn Doesn't it get you soviet?"

""" So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore"" Me if I was on the Titanic."

"Breadmakers Always looking to prove something."

"what's th difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? the refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out."

"What screams, wails, and lights up? A bus-load of babies on fire."