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Joke of the Day

"[on a plane] Stewardess: ""Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"" Me: ""Sure, can I have two?"" *puts one in each ear*"

"Do you wanna build a snowman? Come on, let's go and play!"

"What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight"

"A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected."

"Neighbour: Haven't I seen you on TV? Actor: Well I do appear on and off you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off."

"As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life."

"My dog lost his tail So I took him to the retail store to get another one."

"Caucasian Half-Cauc, Half-Asian"

"Photons have mass? Why, I didn't know they were Catholic!"

"I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us."