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Joke of the Day

"The bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"So, i wanted to know what my weight was. 'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said. But how am i supposed to see the numbers?"

"It would be totally gay if Elon Musk opened a gas company in the future. Not because it will be out of trend but because it will be named GasX."

"Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job."

"Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as ""Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."""

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place."

"I tried turning my AC off today but couldn't.... Turns out it's hard to stop a Trane."

"What are the ""White Walkers"" doing when we don't see them in a GoT episode? Chilling."

"I always tell my kids to stay in school... but they keep fucking coming back."