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Joke of the Day

"The bartender says, ""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"Him: My brother wants us all to go camping together next summer. Me: Can't go, I'm allergic. Him: To what? Me: Everything you just said."

"me: annie are you ok so annie are you ok are you ok annie (X5) girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic"

"I was too late for the ribeye special at the supermarket. Such a big missed steak."

"What is the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass."

"I told this girl that I was an architect. It's true in a way, since I now have to design an intricate web of lies to back it up."

"I just bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's."

"What's a white supremacist's favourite fast food restaurant? KKKFC"

"Let stand in microwave for 2 minutes.' Hah. Yeah, like I make microwave dinners because I'm patient."