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Joke of the Day

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike."

"Two flies are eating a turd. One of them farts, and the other one says ""Dude, gross. I'm eating."""

"The FCC requires all rock stations to hire a woman named Kat."

"What's the difference between yogurt and semen? ~~Semen~~ Yogurt, dammit! I meant *yogurt* doesn't hit the back of your partner's throat at 30 MPH. \* I always mess up punchlines when I'm drunk!"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"What was Santa's christmas-present for the kid with no hands? new gloves for the cold days"

"I like it when I open a document and my monitor says WORD and I'm like YO."

"Really? Wow! (The only two things I ever say to kids)"

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes"