116368

Joke of the Day

"What did one drug dealer tell another on the street corner after hearing of Amy Winehouse's death? Damn, I'm gonna go bankrupt."

"I had another server go down on me at work. It's just how I interview waiting staff."

"""Doctor, doctor, there's a lettuce sticking out of my bum! Is it serious?"" ""I'm sorry to tell you, that's just the tip of the iceberg."""

"[having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!"

"My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side"

"ladies: the day after Halloween, don't forget to buy all the discounted blood capsules to keep in your mouth when men tell you to smile"

"Zombies must be great with girls. They're always getting into their guts."

"There isn't anything that keeps you awake at night like a case of the what ifs."

"A flight attendant says to a man... ""Would you like headphones?"" The man replies, ""How did you know my name was Phones?"""

"I received this computer for Christmas yesterday. I'm already ashamed of the things it has seen."